#i don't think anyone else draws that distinction and i don't see why i should have to start

[unopenablebox]

Hi. This is a weird question. Do worms lay eggs?

they do, usually! i mean, like, "worm" could encompass a very large number of not-very-related animals, so not all "worms" lay eggs, but i feel safe saying that most do

annelids (eg earthworms, ocean-dwelling bristly worms) usually lay eggs but sometimes give live birth

nematodes (the worms i used to study) lay (delightfully optically transparent) eggs in all species im familiar with, but that's, like, three of them, so look it up if you're wondering about a specific non-C. elegans nematode.

flatworms (to my knowledge) always lay eggs if they can sexually reproduce. however some strains/subspecies/whatever have lost the ability to do so, and can now reproduce only by sticking their tail to a surface and swimming away from it until the end of the tail breaks off. the tail then regrows into an entirely new worm. great stuff

there's also other kinds of things that could reasonably be called a worm (we are ignoring slowworms and caecilians because they are vertebrates and therefore obviously not worms, come on), like bootlace worms and priapulids and such, but i don't know anything about them. if for some reason i had to bet on it i'd guess some of them lay eggs too though

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

heyyy I'm the anon who was kind of freaking out about the yuus in the anime 😭😭😭

you're right, I should probably just focus on my enjoyment and not the fandom- it's smth I've always struggled with. but I just saw ppl who clearly never had heard of twst saying "reverse harem" stuff and that's why i started panicking 😭

but yeah... I guess we'll have to wait and see. thank you for ur opinion and for your advice 🫂

[Referencing this post!]

Hello and welcome back!! Thanks for checking in. I hope that my response helped to ground anyone who might have been having similar thoughts or feelings. I know I can come off as stern or even disappointed in my advice posts, so 💦 if you got something out of it, then that makes me glad.

I think it's safe to say that fandom is a double-edged sword. It offers a community of people with the same interest to talk, interact, and create with--but in fostering that community, we can sometimes become so obsessed with defending it or caring about that community's opinions. It's important to draw the distinction between yourself and the fandom you engage with so you can still enjoy Twst on your own terms, separate of fandom. Otherwise, we may take things too personally and react very emotionally when we perceive others as treating Twst or its community in a way we don't approve of. Again, you should definitely prioritize yourself because ultimately we're not in fandom to argue with people, we're in fandom to have fun.

I've said this before, but I'll say it again because it might be helpful for those moments when panic strikes again. When you see someone making a claim about your fandom or related projects that makes you upset:

Stop yourself before you say or type something you might regret later.

Take a deep breath. Maybe sip some water.

Ask yourself questions like:

"Is what I'm about to say/write based on evidence or is it based on a gut feeling or a strong emotional reaction I'm having?"

"Am I expressing my opinion in a way that may be perceived as unfriendly or hostile?"

"How would I feel if I saw someone else assuming this about something I care about or was considering getting into?"

"Do I know the person misinterpreting my fandom? Whether yes/no, do I, on an individual level, care what they think? Why?"

"Does the person misinterpreting my fandom alter my own enjoyment or understanding of it? If not, what might the source of my anger and upset be?"

"The block and mute buttons exist. Is this an issue using one of those might resolve, or is it something that must be said or interacted with?"

Of course, I don't mean to police how you act and react in this space. These are only suggestions based on what I like to do. These strategies may not work for you, or you may not be interested in them at all. And that's okay! The only takeaway I'll ask of you is that you continue to navigate the Twst fandom in a mindful manner :>

[aeternallis]

KPTS Fic Trope: Kim should grovel / Semi-deep dive commentary of the breakup scene

I've seen a number of fans complaining about this trope, so I wanted to talk about it. XD Before that though, I will admit that I myself don't fully understand this trope--or rather, I'm not really sure what this trope fully entails? Because ngl, it sometimes also feels like readers/writers don't actually mind this trope, just only up to a certain extent.

And for anyone curious, I'm firmly on the camp that KimChay should yell/fight out their problems in the most unhinged manner possible like feral beans with lots of sexual tension to muck through AND with no one else involved cuz for the majority of the show, they were off in their own little world anyway~

But I may be on the minority in that, lol So, I digress.

From what I've gathered of this trope though, I'm assuming it's basically: -Kim begging Chay to talk to him/forgive him/ give him a second chance -Kim's own brothers takes Chay's side -VegasPete is somehow in Chay's affections and gets one up over Kim? -Basically no one is on Kim's side, lol

Depending on the execution of the fic, all or some of these points may be featured in the story in order to get these two lovebirds back together.

And honestly? I think the reason why this trope is so popular but also has its share of detractors is because people are looking for the payback or shall I say, "equivalent exchange" of this scene in particular:

It's arguably their most heartbreaking moment in the series, and I will admit, for some people who've had a bad breakup or two in their lives, it may hit a little too close to home, yknow?

And see, I've brought up the opinion before and will reiterate again that what the audience understands about KimChay's circumstances IS NOT what Chay understands as the character that makes up one half of this semi-canon ship.

And based on your understanding of this (as well as your preference, ofc) lies the difference as to whether you like/hate/feel neutral about this trope.

Sure, we can say that Kim did nothing physically to hurt Chay. We can say that Kim did what he had to do in order to keep Chay safe and not draw him into the dangerous world of the mafia, that he was looking out for Chay's best interests. There's just enough of Kim acting like a simp for Chay in the show to get this point across.

But be that as it may, Chay is not the audience. He's not a mind reader, especially not towards someone like Kim who's already closed off and hard to understand to begin with. Lol

And Chay not being able to read Kim's mind or intentions is not a failing on his part as a character; on the contrary, it's what makes him more human and sympathetic to the audience. There's a difference between emotional intelligence and having confidence in another person's motivations. In which case, I think herein lies the other distinction, if you, as the audience, are either willing to give Chay too much credit, too little credit, or just enough to get the ball rolling.

I think what tends to be forgotten about Chay's character at times is that for all his bravery, boldness, and intelligence (which deserves all the praise in the world, because holy moly, if only I had half his guts, I would get a lot more shit done), Chay is also someone who deeply respects people's boundaries. He's a noble character in that way, and why I think in particular Porsche did such a wonderful job raising him.

And we've seen this a number of times, from their very first meeting. He was brave for asking Kim to be his teacher, but didn't push to persuade him otherwise when Kim couldn't say yes. He was bold in tracking where Kim lives to serenade to him, but knew when he had to back off. And even when he confessed to Kim, there was no expectation of his affections being returned, only that he had wanted to show his gratitude to Kim for letting him do his best, and hoping perhaps that the time they spent together would always remain special to Kim.

In this regard, Chay remains loyal to himself and his steadfast nature without ever pushing for more than what Kim could give. But what made the breakup scene painful I think is not just because Kim made Chay believe that he had never loved him, but also because Kim muddled Chay's understanding of the boundaries between them. I would maybe even go so far as to say that what Kim did to Chay was basically a form of gaslighting.

And in muddling that crucial understanding between them, the full scale of the implications in regards to what Chay must have felt in that moment, in my opinion, cannot be overstated:

-the abject humiliation of having believed that someone had returned your feelings, only for it to be implied otherwise by said someone, no matter what Kim's meaning was with his "I'm sorry" LOL -the doubt and lack of confidence in yourself due to misunderstanding someone, without even knowing it -the fear of having shared so much of yourself, when the other person may not even have wanted nor cared for what you had to share in the first place -the loneliness that comes after having experienced all of these emotions, particularly for Chay who was already feeling left behind by his own brother

It's not a surprise tbh, why Chay chose to pull away from not only Kim after this scene, but also from Porsche, at least on an emotional level. Negative emotions like these tend to spill over to the perception of other relationships in one's life; it's hardly ever only contained to the relationship they originated from.

All of these things are painful human experiences, not just something that fictional characters go through, yknow?

And this is why I think this trope is so popular with the KimChay fic writers to begin with. I imagine that those who have written reconciliation fics that feature this trope are highly sympathetic to Chay's plight due to their own lived experiences, and why, while I myself am not necessarily a fan of it, also choose not to judge it.

It's basically wanting to find that sort of satisfaction in fiction that otherwise isn't always found in reality, using said points in the trope.

Ultimately, Kim is the one who muddled that important understanding between himself and Chay. This being the case, Kim has to be the one to untangle them now, imperatively so for some writers, to the point it's at the cost of losing one's dignity (the begging part) and standing alone (his own brothers don't have his back).

[2n2n]

(Hey do you know if hanako kun seal come off, the entire world will fall in disrray..... * that was close-!!* *heart thumping*)

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your opinion on this?

It's primarily just a joke because Aida-sensei messed up and didn't include the seal on a random drawing suddenly... but I do think it's worth looking at the joke itself. Rather than imagining a Hanako saying "I'M FREE!!" or "nyahahaha", AidaIro-sensei imagine him desperate to secure it back onto his face... we can think of that as something! The gag drawing could be Kou trying to force it back on or idk, Hanako doing something silly without limits, but it's Hanako scared it came off. We can just take the silly drawing as a statement of: Hanako's desperate to keep that thang on. What does it mean to be a dog desperate to stay chained?

I do think Hanako's seal is important to him, and something he seems to want to keep. I often say it but-- I imagine Nene-chan could probably just peel it using her powers, right? But he never asks her to, and he never alludes to his seal as some sort of pain, or problem, or annoyance. There is no underhanded goal to get it off. He doesn't joke about it; he acts as if it is entirely not there and not a concern for anyone, despite it being so plain and obvious. Nene-chan seemingly hasn't worried about it ever since Kou's vague explanation, and Hanako isn't interested in doing any correcting or expositing. He isn't defensive about it, or self-pitying.

I think the seal represents repression, "holding back". Nothing could be more important to Hanako than repression, amirite? I think it's an important memory, whatever occurred, that he doesn't want to lose as a reference point. Because the Minamoto family were aware of the Red House, and their grandma forbade them from ever nearing it, and at some point, also sealed Hanako, we can assume the sealing of Hanako may have touched upon a lot of sensitivities.

Hanako is a person who deflects everything. He is cryptic, obtuse, he jokes and handwaves things, he lies. He's always compromising, or trying to run away. He'll only tell Nene-chan his wish when he believes he will never see her again. He seems afraid of leaning into his own feelings. He won't say anything out loud, not until pushed to the limit, and even then, he doesn't cede much. He is a person who surely feels it would be bad if he did all he wanted, or told the truth. Perhaps the truth is ugly, or what he wants is terrifying.

As Yako talks about "going berserk", Hanako touches his seal. He seems uncomfortable with the notion "you're still you; you don't become somebody else".

Perhaps for Hanako, it would be convenient to believe you become somebody else, or are fundamentally altered. Perhaps he would like to not have to owe all of his actions to only himself, his nature. It would be more convenient to be infected with something external that makes you behave badly, than simply have your heart speak out in its natural tongue.

(by the way, this is why I don't personally like drawing a distinction between 'Amane' and 'Hanako', and I think it is drinking the kool-aid to argue their difference. I do not think the manga's message would be "well, you're different!" versus the FAR more potent message of "you're still you, no matter what", especially when we're arguing about the personhood or authenticity of people like Tsukasa and Mitsuba. We shouldn't be calling anybody 'fake' or 'gone', and we shouldn't really be calling damaged people 'irreparably altered and lost'. Surely, we should accept and love all of somebody, and see them as themselves, at their best, or at their worst. Lost, confused, fractured-- Hanako and Amane have the same heart, and it is miserably in love.)

As humans, it's relatable. We'd often like to imagine it's not our own fault, or not our nature when we react to something. We like to think of some people as "bringing out something bad" in us, or influencing us, changing us, to become bad-- due to THEIR nature, not OURS. We don't like to take ownership of who we are. It's a complicated notion for Hanako, who both wants to be held accountable and given credit for the choices Amane made.....

.... and struggles with full ownership of his selves, his past, his present, his future. Or perhaps he struggles with the continuity of his existence? Those fragmented, lost, altered parts?

... all things his seal makes me think about.

Could Amane really become this? What Hanako is? Could Amane do all Hanako has done. I mean yes, but.... things he has to think about.

The boy behind that seal-- what did he do? What was he like? If we remove Hanako's seal, will some part of him come back-- a part he doesn't want to interface with? Is he reluctant to have access to certain power? Just how much is really behind it? It is a warping abstraction, is it an irrational sense of self-apprehension, or could it be that dramatic?

I enjoy AidaIro joking "the entire world will fall in disarray", it's like his catastrophizing is fodder for THEM to mock (I love how they bully Amane.... the normal Amane is normally useless...)

Well, whatever the case... he must be attached to the self that is sealed, the way he behaves now. He seems to prefer this for himself, but Hanako hates himself.

meanwhile sympathy for Aida-sensei who has to flipflop between sealed and unsealed boys as she draws the living and the dead boy for any random chapter or event. I cannot imagine. it's literally sf hard when drawing the boys to mind the seals.

[forkaround]

Playboyy Ep 5 Trash Watch Part 1

Have I done this for E1 - 4? No. But I don't think I can watch this show without making a post or it's a waste of an hour for me and as much as I want to watch this show I can't keep track of anything at all.

You know most of these actors remind me of Pat from Step by Step, especially the kids club. It's that same slack jawed, plump lips expression.

Wait wait wait this whole thing started because of a comment? A play? A dare? Dude what are guys doing out in the world. We need to keep all the boys under lock and key to make sure they don't hurt themselves.

Nuthyim is the username. The lead character is Nont, twin - Nant. You see the confusion.

Wait I thought this was about hitting on someone to get experience for a play, how did it end up in a red light scene with hoods over their heads??? Keep the boys home.

Why does Nant look like he is scamming people when asking for money?? Why doesn't he ask his dad?? Nont?? They are more likely to give money for mom. Unless it's not for mom in that case Nont being angry doesn't make sense. I feel like he didn't really have to do any of this. Even if it wasn't for mom, Asian families would do anything, anything to avoid a scandal. Okay, so while the characters might not get that the writer should. Otherwise it lacks logic as a story coz we are the audience, we have a birds eye view, it won't land for the audience.

So if Nont has revealed himself now, then what was the 'having sex with anything that moves'? Clearly not part of a plan to find his brother. It's the logic again. Not there.

I'm only 5 mins in and this looks more like a spectacle than a real examination of the story being told. I'm not new to crime dramas and I'm not new to sex worker protags so I know this is poorly written. Simple as that. Like the Soong kidnaps First opening. There for shock value only. This too.

Why didn't he tell them who the third guy is? I suppose since they already fought about Teena it's explainable. But like don't say three things and not show three things. It's incomplete. I'm having a Sheldon moment. Complete the sentence!

STOP SPEAKING ENGLISH. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH! I imagine this is how Italian, French, Spanish speakers feel when someone butchers the language. I couldn't even understand it without the subs. Reminds me of House and Sheldon speaking Hindi.

Also do you feel guilty or not boy? That's your friend who is missing. You do like him right? Did the writer just really love that line?

You know I don't care that it's unsexy, I don't care it's weird, I won't care about the horrible pacing. This show is stupid. And that's where I draw the line. I watch Cdramas, I know pacing issues but never have they turned me off so much.

They are all overdramatic about their relationships and I'm left asking - why do you care??? Why do any of you care??? You clearly are unemotional enough when it was Nant, why do you care about these boys??? Where is the logic??

Are they all Mary Sues? Coz I can't see any other reason for these guys to be so crazy over these kids.

This show could have used color coding clothes. or the pair's name starting with the same letter.

Is Zoey the Mew of this group??? He feels like the Mew of this group.

And that's what I mean that this show is confusing. I had no idea why Zoey was angry with Captain until his friend explained it. Stilted af. It's like someone wrote scenes and forgot the flow.

You know we've seen shows like these. Rich kids being shitty isn't new. Gossip Girl made that a thing long before anyone else. For something small town there is Pretty Little Liars. They did shit to each other all the time. But they made sense. I should clarify - they made sense for what we knew of the characters without losing the pacing.

Anyone else feeling a distinct urge to slap the car boy?

I can't watch any more today. Buh-bye

[spacecadetspe]

A year ago today…

Jan. 16, 2023

Having read some of the top listings on Lj today, I realize wholeheartedly that the account of my daily life may seem fantastical... or perhaps just unhinged. The primary reason I keep this alternate reality confined to this journal is so that I can live a normal life on Earth. I have responsibilities to which I must regularly attend, and I can't afford to let it interfere with my daily life.

I suppose I should institute some "rules" or something, to keep things clear, since it's plausible that whoever is reading this will be justifiably confused.

Nearly anything is possible. If it can happen, it probably will at some point. How I react to the goings on is how I measure my personal growth.

I say "nearly anything" because logically there are just some things that wouldn't be necessary, appropriate, or may even be detrimental to the beings that exist in that space, including myself. (Could there be a castle made of candy, guarded by marshmallow unicorns? Certainly. But... why? Who does that benefit?)

As Virtue of Hope and Chief Lady of Dreams, I can do a lot of things that my peers cannot. I can regrow limbs and heal scars (mine or anyone else's). I can split myself into projections or excise different aspects of myself. I have 300 wings, where most Virtues start out with ten.

None of this applies to my life in the Mortal coil. My mortal life is really rather mundane. I'm a divorced mom living in a comfy apartment, have equal custody of my son, and hold a raging grudge against my ex-husband (which I try not to project onto my child).

My therapy affects both sides of my existence. Because therapy does that. It changes who you are at a basic level, and so my actions and reactions reflect that on both sides.

Many of the entities I encounter in the Dream World exist on the mortal coil, as well. I have attempted to make distinctions between their roles in this life and the one on the other side of the Veil.

Now that that's cleared up, maybe I'll sound less like a crazy person when I talk about my walks on the other side.

And speaking of, by last few such walks haven't been pleasant. My evening routine in the Mortal realm has consisted of drawing a sacred circle on my chest every night to keep X away, much like the uses of Solomon's demonic sigils. And, two nights ago, I forgot to apply it. I really should know by now that those little spells aren't permanent. I got too complacent. I'm not sure why, since I'm well aware that X will try to subdue me by any psychic means necessary. Perhaps I'm just tired. I yearn for a sense of "normalcy," whatever that means. I suppose I shouldn't be so disillusioned.

As far as I'm concerned, I think placing wards like this every night serves to beautifully illustrate the idea that I am, in fact, unhinged. Drawing sigils and swearing up and down that some entity somewhere, nay, my ex-husband, is out to get me? It just screams paranoid delusion.

Which is one more reason that X might continue such attacks, I suppose; just to undermine me further in a society that doesn't tend to believe in the stuff I see.

Don't get me wrong, dear reader; I'm exhausted with this. I would love nothing more than to let down my guard and just... be. No more sigils, no more spells... no more journals where I write myself in as the victim. But waking up in the manner that I do... it's more than enough to make me a believer.

I dreamed that he cut off my left arm above the elbow. I could probably play it off like I fell asleep on my arm and cut off my circulation, but it wouldn't do justice to the pain. I woke up, of course, and tried to shake it off, but the ache shot down all the way to the joints of my fingers. It was so severe that the following day, I couldn't play the piano. This is in the mortal world, mind you. So the fact that it was affecting my physical body is a serious matter.

He cut off my arm... butchered every joint... so that when I stitched it back together, I can feel the seams holding my flesh in place. Even now, I'm having some difficulty typing.

Nothing on earth could describe how much I want to just... stop. But until X is finally broken, I'll have to settle for looking a little crazy.

Jan. 16, 2024

I’ve tried to get back into doing the rounds again. Morpheus and other oneiroi have approached me to try to keep me calm, but after my come-to-Jesus with Fortitude, I’m feeling a little fragile.

Two nights in a row now, any attempt to ease my frustrations has been thwarted. Night before last, Morpheus was called away just as he was about to crawl into bed with me. And last night I came away from one of my rounds shaking and anxious, feeling my chakras broken, and one of them came up behind me and held me for awhile. I turned around and he kissed me (keep in mind I’m not sure who this is) and I felt myself relax. But it didn’t go further than that. He escorted me to a bedroom somewhere, but I was awoken by a phone call.

The timing always seems to be just slightly off. I’m not to the point where I can be angry about it, but I feel it approaching.

Today is a rare snow day for my state, so Fortitude and I are staying in, for now. I’ll go get W later today, if the roads are clear.

Métis wants to have a “girls’ day” at her apartment in the dream world, which sounds pleasant. I might join her later.

[killiru]

Not me Rewatch thoughts

Ep. 1

Caution: Obvious spoilers I have to share my muddled thoughts a bit - sorry.

Still love the opening so much, it gives me life.

Omg it looks a bit like the pool where Black, White and Todd are at the beginning is the pool that later is Dan's secret base. Am I imagining it?! Probably, but that's okay with me 

Edit: Nope. It's not the same pool. Damnit.

A little bit it seems like Todd used to babysit Black and White. At least it doesn't seem unusual for him when their parents ask him to watch them for a while while they argue.

I know we dont see much of her, but White's ex-girlfriend is so so pretty.

The River told me lies starts to play in the background and my heart breaks a little.

Hihi you can see Gun's ear holes a bit in White's ears at the beginning.

Somehow it's very symbolic that White is strumming on the piano when he passes it when he's at his father's house. Or that there's a piano there in general - it's actually a mark of distinction in terms of cultural capital (according to Bourdieu).

The soy milk commercial I cant

White's dad is still so hot - kicking my daddy issues

I think the dad is lying when he says he doesn't know where Black is.

Exciting: White's dad introduces him to his diplomat friends at university (social capital) - shortly after, the one dude offers him a job. Not only that, but shortly after he offers him his books to study too.

Todd says at the beginning his new friends are the reason for Black's injuries. And that's not even a complete lie.

Why do they have hairnets on but no masks when they're in the ICU?

That handkerchief thing is so gross omg.

NO, DON'T WIPE YOUR FACE WITH IT, EWWW.

Boy, White looks good in glasses AND Black's clothes. The combo is nice - wish it would have been longer on screen

I just want to note that Todd a) had Black's key and b) hesitated when he said Black wasn't dating anyone. Maybe it was jealousy, I don't know - shouldnt he know he had a thing with Eugene.

Does Black actually have a drawing of brass knuckles and a Swiss Army knife on his pinboard? Am I imagining it ahahah

White asks so reproachfully if Black is still at uni. Rude

EPISODES 1 GRAM WAS SO SWEET

I love Nuch bye

I also love the talk about rule of/by law and the fact that White obviously doesn't have a clue although I would imagine he should have learned that in his studies. It just shows the vitamin B.

Just stealing someone else's helmet is NOT what you mean by redistribution, Gram! xD

AHHHHH YOK APPEARS ON THE SHOW FOR THE FIRST TIME, I LOVE YOU BABY. Your clothes are on point again.

That the bird drawn on Sean's door looks a bit like the one from Panem is no coincidence I think, especially since in Thailand activists have used the sign from the books with the three fingers for themselves. Nevertheless, it is now a funny headcanon of mine that Sean's favourite books are "The Hungergames".

And there he is. Sean my love. Off has never looked better in a role than in this ngl.

Hahaha... he's already washing his future boyfriend in EP 1. That's very kind of Sean isn't it?

The anarchy sign graffiti in the background... wonder who they are from the crew.

How nice the Molotov cocktails were lined up on the tablet.

Result from Ep 1 : I love this show with all my heart and look forward to Episode 2.

(and still. Ew. Dont.)

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, just to clarify, after everyone thought Bruce had died, was there any real evidence that he wasn't dead? What was Tim basing his assumptions on?

Okay, so this is a particularly interesting question to answer, because the thing is.....yes and no?

Like there WAS something Tim based his initial hunt on, and then his world tour was all about gathering more evidence to support his conclusions, but like....

He never actually shared any of this with Dick? Not until the very end once he had conclusively assembled all his proof as well as how they were gonna go about getting Bruce back.

But before that?

He never so much as uttered a PEEP to Dick about his theory about Bruce being lost in time, OR his reasons FOR believing that.

He even monologues about it, asking himself WHY didn't he share his findings with Dick at any point, like when he went back to Gotham to help out during Blackest Night. He's never shown drawing any specific conclusions so its up to the reader to guess at that themselves. Personally, I think he never shared this with Dick because he himself was afraid the evidence was flimsy and that showing it to someone else would expose it to being poked and prodded at for viability....which he not so secretly was scared it wouldn't hold up to. Throughout the first twelve issues of Red Robin, Tim's inner monologue FREQUENTLY cycles through self doubt, his fears that he's just clutching at straws and seeing what he wants to see from his evidence.

But like....he's the only one making himself think that, because literally nobody but him knows what he's found! This isn't Dick making Tim think he's crazy or gaslighting him....

Because the literal only thing Dick has heard from Tim is that he just knows Bruce is alive, without Tim even offering up WHY he thinks that!

And so all along, Dick is just trying to get him to talk to him, talk to a therapist maybe, because like hello, denial is a THING with grief, y'know? This is a normal part of MOST peoples' grieving process. So in absence of Tim actually DIVULGING his actual THEORY about how Bruce is alive and why he knows this.....what possible reason should ANYONE have for assuming Tim isn't just....in denial due to his grief?

But again, what's very key here is at no point along the way did Tim actually share his suspicions with Dick. Meaning there's no point in which "Dick didn't believe him" describes Dick hearing Tim out about his findings and just deciding nah, I don't buy it, you're just crazy kid.......no, "Dick didn't believe him" literally ONLY describes.....'when Tim just insisted Bruce was alive, he just knew it, and refused to go into specifics ever as to why he thought so.'

Which, I hope we can all agree describes two very different scenarios that are not actually interchangeable.

What's also significant is even WITH all of this, at not just one point but TWO distinct points in Red Robin's first twelve issues....Tim asks Dick to just trust him and let him keep going with his search (still not having yet revealed anything that prompted him to go on his search or that he'd found thus far on it.) In both cases, Dick says yes like, the very next panel....and lets Tim get back to what he's doing.

Dick never shuts Tim down or out, he never refuses to help him, he never denies him resources, tries to bench him, ANYTHING of the sort. Tim's only 'on his own' for much of Red Robin because Tim literally WANTS it that way, because he doesn't even trust HIMSELF, that he's not chasing just a fairy tale but that there's a real answer out there to find.....and he knows these doubts of his have validity and thus he doesn't want to give anyone else even the OPTION of backing up those doubts with more of their own, and weakening his resolve. He's being driven by desperation and hope as much as anything else, and when those look a lot like the denial and bargaining stages of grief from the outside looking in.....how exactly do people fault the characters looking at this from the outside for not drawing the same conclusions as Tim, who is deliberately keeping himself the only one privy as to his actual hopes and theories?

Anyway, follow along beneath the cut for complete scans of a whirlwind tour of Tim's actual narrative here, and please know that my commentary is just a general thing aimed at fandom perceptions and readers at large, NOT specific to you as the asker of this question, lol:

....oh and umm, also this is contined in two posts below this one, each complete with scans below their cuts as well. LOOK THERE WAS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT HERE LEAVE ME ALONE, ITS FINE.

So I'm going in chronological order, NOT the order the events were presented in the book, since the book deliberately uses nonlinear storytelling. But here we start with Tim's actual departure from the Batcave, and what Dick says to him about Bruce being gone and needing to accept that, but HE still needs him. Note the complete lack of kicking Tim out or prioritizing or sugar coating things for Damian.

(Also note that this is well after Damian tried to kill Tim when he first arrived. I note this only because its not fair to say that Dick just never cared about Damian trying to kill Tim, because we never had a chance to see Dick's actual reaction to that, since it happened when he wasn't even around and Bruce was still Batman. A lot of time has passed since then. Its not that Dick just doesn't care, its that he wasn't around at the time and its not like there's a lot of room here for past events to get rehashed by ANYONE.)

But what's also very important to note is this is BEFORE Tim finds his first piece of evidence making him believe Bruce is actually alive. This is significant in my mind because notice what Dick says to Tim here about Bruce, and then keep this in mind once we get to Dick trying to convince Tim he needs to move on later in the comic. You'll notice Dick's words are almost exactly the same, that he's continuing on in the exact same vein he presents here.....because for him, nothing HAS changed. He hasn't found what Tim has, doesn't have that altering his perception of this, so there's literally no reason FOR him to think in those later scenes that Tim's influenced by more on the Bruce topic than he is right here...because Tim's never shared that little piece of intel!

This picks up right after Tim leaves the cave in the prior scan. Again before his first finding. I think its extremely hard to argue that at this point at least, Tim IS in denial and deep in the throes of grief, so again, its not hard to understand why others who know him well and love him, might.....interpret him as in denial and deep in the throes of grief. Its not a judgment call. Its not saying he's crazy. Its not threatening to commit him to Arkham. Its just...hey, so some fucked up shit happened and you lost a very important person to you, and that can fuck with your head, nobody knows that better than us, other superheroes and your family.

Now this scan follows the previous one, BUT we will LATER in Red Robin #12 be given a final piece of the puzzle....which is a flashback to this specific scene, and what Tim SEES in it, that we the readers were previously unable to, between the previous page and this one here, that shows WHY Tim all of a sudden switches from the denial "this isn't happening" to "he's alive." Because without knowing that Tim specifically SEES something between those two pages, that make him switch tracks.....'he's alive' is MEANT to sound like its a carryover from 'this isn't happening.' That he's STILL in denial, he's just decided to be proactive about it and so has unilaterally just made the CHOICE to believe no matter what that Bruce is alive and he's going to prove it.

But again, without knowing that Tim found something in between these two pages, there's literally NO WAY to reasonably draw the conclusion that something PROMPTED Tim's realization that Bruce is alive, rather than just INSPIRED his passionate refusal to accept that Bruce was dead despite all appearances to the contrary.

iAnd here, from Red Robin #12, the very last page of its very last issue of its entire first year.....is the FIRST and ONLY time we're graced with a look at what prompted Tim's entire journey and steadfast conviction that Bruce was actually alive.

Its....this.

While in the midst of an extremely emotionally turbulent outpouring of grief, which nobody is blaming him for, Tim accidentally HAPPENS upon a picture that jars him out of his thoughts and launches him in another direction. Its an anachronistic picture of Bruce, or at least someone who LOOKS just like Bruce, though to be honest, I think a case could be equally made that it was a portrait of one of Bruce's ancestors. Which I think is absolutely a thought Tim had as well, and one he felt others might point out to him which could explain WHY he never shared this picture....he didn't want them raising and emphasizing another possibility rather more likely than it being Bruce just lost in time.

Also, the Dick Grayson stan in me that is annoyed by the perpetual emphasis of Tim Drake Is Smartest Boi Nobody Could Ever Smart Like He Does The Smart - which is not to say that I think Tim is dumb, or not as smart as Dick, but rather that I think ALL the Batfam are smart as fuck to such a degree as to make it utterly pointless to try and rank any of them as smarter than the others BUT I DIGRESS -

ANYWAY. I just want to point out here that as in MOST cases where Tim's genius is lauded over others in the family, its not actually that Tim is making conclusions or deductions or putting together things that nobody but him is capable of.....ie, its not to say that another Batfam member being written as having this particular narrative journey instead of Tim COULDN'T have made the same conclusions, its just that we never saw anyone but Tim have the CHANCE to draw any conclusions here.

TIM'S THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THE PICTURE. Which he saw purely by CHANCE. It was situational! Happenstance! He didn't figure out Bruce was alive by being smarter than everyone, just like he didn't figure out Dick was Robin by being the greatest genius to ever live....and its not that he's NOT smart, but people keep giving him credit for simply being in the right place at the right time, and being the only one who has the necessary PIECES to put together to arrive at the right conclusion. But Tim being praised up and down for figuring out Bruce was alive and bringing him back and this emphasized to endless degrees as some kind of proof that he loves Bruce more or is Bruce's true heir or that nobody but him could have ever done the same thing.....you guys are gonna make me kermit here, I swear to Beezus. Tim only STARTED on this journey as opposed to everyone else not because he had some insight that ANY of them could have arrived at and simply DIDN'T, either because they weren't smart enough to or didn't care enough about Bruce being alive.....IT. WAS. PURE. LUCK. And then he only REMAINED the only one actually undertaking this journey to find Bruce and bring him back, not because nobody else cared, or they opted out or said he was crazy.....but because he chose for whatever reason not to SHARE any of the information or conclusions he'd found or drawn.

And that's not something you can reasonably hold against the other characters IMO.

Anyway. Let's continue.

.This takes place well before that previous scan of course, and is meant to follow the two I pasted in before it. This is the aftermath of that scene as it was originally presented to us in the comic, BEFORE the ultimate reveal as to what he saw while sitting there.

So again, from the perspective of everyone else, who don't know what Tim knows or thinks now, which personally I think was the whole reason FOR telling this story non-linearly, like Nicieza was trying to align readers' POV with the POVs of people around Tim, like he was literally TRYING to cast doubt as to whether Tim was on to something or just hanging onto desperate hopes....

Again, without that crucial bit of info about the anachronistic picture of Bruce.....there's absolutely NOTHING to suggest Tim has been afforded new information that only he has. Which in turn means there's literally NO reason for anyone else NOT to think he's being driven purely by grief and denial. Nobody is refusing to listen to Tim or shutting him down...he's simply not saying anything that would lead anyone to conclude otherwise! And again, NOBODY is judging him for any of this! Also crucial to keep in mind, this is ALL Tim's internal monologue. Its HIS perception of what other people are thinking about him, NOT a reliable transcription of things anyone has actually said.

And frankly, instead of eighty million "Dick didn't care about Tim back then" stories, give me the barest HANDFUL of fics that have characters calling Tim the fuck out for his tunnel vision at this time. Because he keeps saying he's all alone and has no one else, and can we please evolve as a society past the need for infinite fics validating this perception of his as real and instead evolve as a society into a need for fics giving Tim a reality check about how he still has a brother who very much loves him and was just pages prior to this begging him to stay because he needs him?

(A brother who btw, is ultimately only in the Batsuit that he hates more than anything because TIM harped on about how Gotham needed a Batman, that everything Dick was doing as Nightwing to keep the peace wasn't enough, that NIGHTWING wasn't enough, and basically forced Dick's hand and made him finally put on the Batsuit after Tim went out in a Batsuit of his own and got stabbed by Jason, AGAIN.)

But seriously, SO many Tim stans got their start with this series, and that's fine and all, but I really wish more hadn't just decided to take everything this guy says in the midst of Actual Depression, Actually, as totally reliable narration that accurately assesses his dynamics with his loved ones. Because it definitely resulted in a weird kind of entitlement where people think anything less than Tim getting 100% unconditional support for anything he says or thinks, no questions asked, means that like, Dick doesn't love him. While nobody's thinking to ask like wow, what DOES a guy have to do to prove that he loves you, that Dick didn't spend every single second of Tim being Robin, in order to rate a 'well at least I still have Dick Grayson' thought bubble popping up somewhere.

I'm just saying. The discrepancy. It bugs.

Cut ahead to later that issue, when Steph - yes Steph, because yeah Tim lost here a year or two before, but she was BACK before he ever even left Gotham, which weirdly doesn't come up a lot in fics emphasizing how much more Tim had lost than everyone else, and thus why Bruce's death hit him so much harder obviously.

So Steph tracks down Tim in one of his safehouses while Tim's still prepping to leave Gotham on his search. She literally begs Tim to let her in and help. Tim's refusal to listen to her, talk to her, or see her actions or words as proof of her caring about him, is not on her. He makes that choice. And again yes, I do believe he's heavily depressed at this point in time, but depression isn't a get out of jail free card for everything you say and do while depressed. And yes, I have it, don't @ me about that, its true and depressed people need to say it. Tim makes multiple proactive choices throughout the series, and his decision to keep people at bay is still HIS decision. And not one that needs to be validated by his stans acting like there was no one TRYING to be there for him, and that's the only reason he was 'forced' to work with Ra's and the League of Assassins. No. Not how any of that played out. I'm not vilifying Tim for this, I'm just saying dear god do I wish less people would vilify everyone around Tim BECAUSE of this.

Particularly Dick, because if you notice that dialogue in the above panel, about the 'everyone' Stephanie refers to being worried about him.....this diehard perception people have that Dick just didn't care about Tim falls flat on its face when you happen to notice that even Tim, while in the midst of depression, is FULLY aware that Dick cares about him and is worried. Dick only sent Steph to check on Tim instead of going himself, because based on Tim storming out of their last conversation while Dick literally begged him to say, logically, the guy has deduced that Tim doesn't want to see him right now. But notice how he's not letting that be an excuse not to check up on Tim or worry, because he's literally NOT MAKING IT ABOUT HIM. Its about Tim. Its about his concerns for Tim. Because he cares. A lot. About Tim. Is any of this clicking for people? LOLOL.

But Tim doesn't take this clear demonstration of Dick's caring about him to reach out in turn, because Dick isn't saying what he wants to hear right now. And this is where I go back to the idea that its entitlement to view unconditional love as being the same thing as unconditional support, because no, if you love someone, you are still not obligated to believe everything they believe, validate everything they want validated, etc, etc. That's not a loved one, that's a sycophant. And its gross to me that so many fans expect Dick to be exactly that for Tim when they would never in a million years tolerate Tim being reduced to that for Dick's sake.

And again, for the record, if Tim wants to hear something new from Dick about Bruce not being dead......that requires Dick having a reason to change his mind, which Tim is ironically the one person capable of doing! TIM JUST CHOOSES NOT TO. Probably because he fears Dick still won't agree with him then and will say its not real evidence, that he's drawing just the conclusions he wants to, out of denial and not deduction....but whether or not Dick WOULD say that is irrelevant, especially when this is being used as a mark against him, because Dick literally doesn't ever get the CHANCE to agree or disagree with Tim on this, based on the actual evidence motivating Tim.

I'm not TOTALLY sure if this part is set chronologically BEFORE the last scene with Steph or after it, but either way, its before Tim leaves Gotham to start on his search. And again, NOBODY IS TELLING TIM THAT HE'S LOSING IT. They're telling him that having trouble accepting a loved one's death is part of the grieving process for a lot of people, and they want to help him with that. Tim still is the only one privy to any reason to think its more than that, and just because he withholds that reason BECAUSE he fears he's actually losing it, doesn't mean ANYONE around him is actually going around telling him or other people that he's crazy.

More from that same scene. Clear evidence that Tim very much has people who love and support him.....but okay, that's not enough in this particular instance. What Tim needs here and now is to feel supported in what he believes. I get that. Alright, so here we see Tim testing the waters there, trotting out his theory to someone new.....

Okay, so ouch. Cassie reacts badly, in Tim's eyes. She instantly assumes he's JUST reacting from a place of grief, and goes to console him.....BUT like....its kinda significant that she mentions Conner? Because Cassie is not an impartial bystander. She's not someone who only barely knows Tim. She knows him better than most anyone, and SHE WAS THERE when Tim went through the grieving process with Conner. She, more than anyone else, knows EXACTLY how badly Tim handled that, and its not her saying he's crazy for her to immediately jump to this being the same thing as that, because from her perception, and without Tim offering any reason for it to appear otherwise, IT LOOKS THE SAME AS THAT.

And frankly, Tim HURT Cassie when they were both mourning Conner's loss. Emotionally, not physically of course, and he didn't mean to, and it was all born of handling his own emotions badly, but I am sick of people dragging Cassie through the mud over this too. Cassie has EVERY right in the world to immediately leap to associations with the last time she was privy to Tim's refusal to accept a loved one is dead, and the fact that she immediately jumps to concern instead of something self-serving like 'oh no, I can't go through this again, I can't be here for this,' is a testament to the strength of her friendship with Tim, NOT proof of some kind of betrayal from her because she didn't immediately intuit that this time WAS different, based on what little Tim actually said before he shut down. And is Tim a bad person for shutting down when his first foray into telling someone what he thinks is going on here gets off on an immediate bad foot and he's like abort, abort? No, he's not. But again, THIS ISN'T ON CASSIE.

Then when Tim leaves, Cassie immediately calls Dick. Which says to me, Dick has looped in everyone he can think of to check up on Tim and reach out to him if need be.....BUT NOTHING ELSE. Because notice how offguard Cassie was caught by Tim saying he thinks Bruce is alive? So much for peoples' idea that Dick was going around telling everybody he thought Tim was crazy. In fact, Cassie here is the first mention we have of 'getting Tim help,' but let's continue to see just what exactly was meant by that.

So now we speed up to just before Tim leaves Gotham on his search, and Dick meets him on his way out. He knows Tim doesn't want to talk to him, but he's trying one last time at a face to face before just letting Tim go off who knows where. Again, Dick kicked Tim out of the Manor who? Dick drove Tim out of Gotham where? DICK IS LITERALLY STANDING IN TIM'S WAY ON TIM'S WAY OUT OF GOTHAM.

THAT'S NOT EVEN SYMBOLIC AT THAT POINT. THIS SHIT IS LITERAL.

DICK DOESN'T WANT TIM TO GO.

Anyway, Dick tries again to convince Tim that Bruce is gone....Tim yet again says....nothing, about why he's so sure Bruce isn't. Dick ASKS him to talk. Dick stretches out his hand to Tim, OFFERING to help. Tim takes it and uses it to yank Dick towards him as he full on ATTACKS Dick. But uh, don't hear that come up much, do you? Dick showed up on Tim's way out of Gotham begging him to talk, to let Dick help, and Tim escalates it into a full out BRAWL.

And fans wonder why people thought Tim was just having a hard time processing his grief?

Continued in next post, because tumblr is a BUTTHEAD and won't let me post more than ten images at a time.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I wanted to know if it's a common enneagram 5 struggle or if I should reconsider my typing, haha. 

I noticed that a lot of the time I am reluctant to share what I know but there are two distinct different scenarios that arrive to the same result of staying silent. 

First one is that I am often afraid that I don't know enough to discuss something. No matter how kuch I research, I still feel that I have no right to say anything until I absolutely certainly consumed information on that subject, or else I will look dumb. I am also reluctant to speak when I know someone more capable than me is participating because, once again, I don't want to embarrass myself and look dumb, and I see no point to do so when there is someone clearly superior to me present. 

The second one is almost complete opposite. There are a few things I am super interested in and I could speak about it for many hours. I would love to share it with people but I am too afraid that I will come across as too intense or they will simply be bored listening to me. I am already very sad about not being able to switch between interests easily, not being able to be interested in things "normal amount", so I don't want to make the situation even worse. I know that in theory it's good to be laser-focused on things and could get me far in life, but I just can't help but be angry at myself for not being interested in parties, not liking socializing in big groups, having "weird" interests. Well, honestly, the interests aren't that weird themselves, it's my intense focus and obsession that makes to more weird. I've tried to many times to just quit this behavior and force myself to "be normal" but it only makes me more sad, as I don't get to experience this joy that researching new information and discovering something new regarding my interests give me. I hoped that I will "outgrow" it once I am no longer a teenager but it never really went away. 

Thanks!

Sounds normal for a 5.

It feels like maybe you only beat yourself up for your myopic interests out of a desire to connect outside yourself -- to make friends? Is that right? If so, why not see your interest as a way to meet people and talk about things? Could you make friends online who have a similar interest/obsession to yours, rather than thinking the only place to meet people is by active socializing at parties? What if you used mentioning your interest as a way to draw people to you who were also interested in those things, rather than seeing yourself as too weird to fit in? (5s assume they are indeed weird/alien, and that is a negative thing... and in truth, they are no weirder than anyone else and there are people who will appreciate their interests.)

Don't be normal. Normal doesn't exist. Be yourself. ;)

[donnerpartyofone]

I just passed this post about the Tumblr shoelaces that had 42k notes on it, which is how I finally found out that this was and has been a Thing. I did not expect there to be a narrative behind this piece of merch they've been relentlessly pimping, and I was surprised and delighted by the fact I had managed to remain ignorant of it for such a long time. I joined Tumblr in 2010, and I'm frequently baffled by how strangers talk about what it used to be like here. I practically never get anyone else's points of reference, there was absolutely no fandom garbage being reblogged onto my dash, and I didn't even hear about Dashcon until years after the fact. This just means that there was a certain point in time when you could actually curate your experience here, and you didn't have to see a ton of dumb little baby stuff that, as a friend of mine once said, made you want to scoop out your mind's eye with a melon baller.

I just had my circle of mutuals, none of whom existed anywhere on a venn diagram with the Superwholock people who were apparently all around us (I didn't even have to know what that was until recently), and everybody had their own identifiable personality; my dash was reliably just horror movie gifs, glitch art, our own actual drawings and paintings, porn, old and underground comics, cyberpunk schlock, sleazy magazine scans, and a smattering of freaky gore to remind you of the grimy mondo-style websites that were like an internet rite of passage in the 90s and early 00s. That might still sound generic on some level, but it had a very distinct flavor from anything going on today. You kind of knew who everybody was, we each had our own distinct personalities, and it was a lot of fun. I never, ever had to be even remotely aware of what was going on in fandom communities or see their needy homemade pornography for babies.

I'm sure there's a confluence of reasons why fandom crap is now like 30% of what I wind up seeing no matter how careful I am about who I follow, or how actively I block fandom accounts just to reduce the volume of what insinuates itself into my feed. The worst consequence of the fandom supremacy is actually not even the cutesy boring content, but it's this intense homogenizing effect it has on people. Everyone talks the same way and makes the same art about the same shit in the same style, and it's like there's just this overpowering urge to conform. I'm sure it's very comforting to be among people who are almost exactly the same as yourself, but I also think it's a bad dragon to chase. Besides which, what happened to the pleasure of having a special, personal thing that not everybody else "gets"? It's no wonder nothing resembling punk seems to exist here, except as just another cult to join.

Yesterday I was thinking about those old Apple Jacks commercials where the kids would conspiratorially sneer to each other that dorky adults "think Apple Jacks should taste like apples"; my friend and I really enjoyed accusing people of thinking Apple Jacks should taste like apples whenever we encountered an ignorant opinion on some obnoxiously niche thing we liked, but it occurred to me that that kind of snotty pleasure in one's own individuality is a rarer thing these days. Everyone insists on being understood and embraced and included, and you got hives of people complaining self-righteously about "antis" who look down on their dopey cartoon incest fantasies, like it's against the law to vocally dislike anything, even THAT. And like, a grown person should really be able to ignore the dissenting opinions of complete strangers, but also, it's GOOD to have some dissent in your life! It's IMPORTANT to feel the difference between yourself and others, to experience rejection, and have to stand on your own without an amorphous hive of internet strangers telling you "you are valid" for all kinds of inane reasons that really don't beg for anyone's seal of approval. Sometimes Apple Jacks taste better just because there's dorks out there mad that it doesn't taste like apples.

Anyway, I just saw that ancient post going around where everybody was warning each other that 4chan was planning a "raid" on tumblr where they were gonna like attack everybody with grody pictures, so "stay safe out there" and here's a bunch of tips on how to protect yourself from being fatally grossed out or something. I have no idea if such a thing actually happened in real life, but it sounded pretty funny to me, and like maybe we should have one of those "raids" intermittently just for social hygiene purposes. Maybe some people could use that extra push to reduce their screen time and read a fucking real book or something, and then those people can just get offa my lawn.

[palimpsessed]

I don’t know if you’ve answered any asks about this—I’m rereading AWTWB and I remembered this kind struck me on my first read but then the rest of that chapter destroyed me, so my thoughts on this bit got derailed until now:

“It took me an hour to find him, and most of that was just the cab ride. Simon’s living in Hackney Wick. He’s got the door chained. He’s standing on the other side, shirtless, his eyes cold and his jaw set. “How did you find me?” he asks. Like he doesn’t know there are a hundred spells just for this. It’s hard to hide from someone who loves you.”

It’s the “like he doesn’t know there are a hundred spells just for this. It’s hard to hide from someone who loves you” part. It took Baz an HOUR to find Simon. Why did it take Fiona SIX WEEKS to find Baz?! Why couldn’t Malcolm, Fiona and Daphne—who all clearly love Baz—find him?!

Was it the coffin? Was it that he was near running water? That he wasn’t hiding but being hidden? That there were wards of some kind?

It’s destroying me thinking about it—because Baz KNOWS about finding spells. He knows about being able to find someone you love. So what was going through his mind, knowing he was kidnapped, knowing he was hidden, knowing finding spells exist. And no one was finding him. 😭

(And we know Lady Ruth tried finding spells for Lucy and Jamie—was it masking spells by Davy and Smith? Basements? Distance?)

Hi Anon. This took me a bit to get to so thank you for being patient. I have not answered any asks about this before but it is a very good question! However, I don't know that I have a very good answer. I do think all of the possible factors you listed are likely reasons for Baz remaining hidden so long. And without any other information, I think these are the only conclusions we can draw. If anyone else out there reading this has thoughts to offer, please do!

It is absolutely horrific to think about Baz in that coffin. He hasn't scratched the surface of dealing with it, or even confronting it. (Now that things are calming down in the relationship and things-trying-to-kill-him departments, I think Baz will have a lot to reckon with, and the actual space and support to do so in a healthy way!) Is the question of why it took so long to locate him one that is going to plague him? Is it one that haunted him while he was in the coffin? It doesn't seem evident from Baz's account of his kidnapping that he had these thoughts. Rather, he's impressed with Fiona's rescue, calling her "an utter badass". He also notes that "she canvassed most of London" "with a souped-up finding spell" which seems to indicate that this particular search was tricky and required more effort than the kind of finding spell Baz uses for Simon in AWTWB. That will matter to Baz, if this question ever crosses his mind later on.

I think it's important to keep in mind that while there may be a lot of spells that exist for one purpose—finding someone—it doesn't mean those spells will always work under all circumstances. I'm sure Baz knows this and I think he sees his kidnapping as one of those circumstances in which finding spells would be tricky, given what he says about Fiona's efforts to find him. “Hard” isn’t impossible. More importantly in the quoted passage, I think, is the phrasing: "to hide from", which would not seem to include “to be hidden”. Simon is hiding from Baz in AWTWB, which is very different from Baz being hidden, and there’s even a chance that the finding spells won’t work in the same ways or at all under those different circumstances. I think the distinction matters. I would even go a step further and argue that Simon doesn't really want to hide from Baz. He breaks up with Baz because he thinks it's what he should do, not because it's what he wants to do. I think that's also the case with running off to Hackney Wick. I think there's a part of Simon that very much wants to be found, and I think that also matters when dealing with someone who is hiding of their own will. Also, I'm not sure Simon sees what he's doing as hiding. He thinks he's severed ties with Baz when he moves. He doesn't expect for Baz to come after him, so maybe the question of whether he wants to be found doesn't even apply in his case.

You also mentioned Lady Ruth casting spells for Jamie and Lucy. These are both instances of someone hiding, rather than being hidden, like Simon, but I think what matters is that, unlike Simon, neither one wants to be found—though in Lucy's case, it's impossible to know how much she's acting of her own will. As you mentioned, we can also factor in external forces, like geography and interference from other mages (Davy with Lucy and Smith with Jamie).

Going back to Baz, you list out specific people in his life, so I'm going to talk about them as I reason through this: Malcolm, Fiona, and Daphne. And I'm adding Simon.

Malcolm and Daphne I'll talk about first, because I think the answer with them is as simple as they aren't actively searching. Malcolm wants to pay the ransom. We don't really know how powerful Malcolm is (powerful enough to attract Natasha and earn Baz's respect when he's still a nasty little power snob), but we do know Daphne is relatively low-powered, and doesn't use magic for most things. There is no mention of either of them joining Fiona in the search. I don't think that's because they don't love Baz, or don't miss him and want him found—it's clear they do, on all counts. I think it's more to do with Fiona being the one calling the shots here. She's the one who insists that Malcolm not pay the ransom. It seems as if all the other magickal families are accustomed to deferring to the Pitches—for matters outside the family, I think that usually extends to Malcolm, too, because of his association with Natasha and Baz. In this case, however, it's an internal, family matter, and the Grimm half of Grimm-Pitch would defer to the Pitch half. And of course, with Baz missing, Fiona is the only Pitch around. Given how little drama Baz's kidnapping seems to make in the World of Mages, and the Old Families, I think most of Malcolm and Daphne's efforts are in keeping the rest of their family together, and keeping up appearances. They have four younger children to worry about protecting—Even with Vera around to help, they can't both be off hunting down Baz all day and night with four other children to care for. Especially Swithin, who is just a baby. The keeping up appearances "stiff upper lip" aspect feels very callous under the circumstances, but I do think it's worth noting the political landscape at this time has all of the Old Families—the Grimms and Pitches especially—feeling rightfully threatened. There are skirmishes, home raids, and people being locked up in towers. War feels imminent and unavoidable. For a family as powerful as the Grimm-Pitches, Baz's kidnapping is the ultimate political blow, and it makes sense, in a game of political chess, that they can't allow anyone outside the family to know what is really happening. I'm not saying it isn't fucked up. It is! And the fact that Fiona won't let Malcolm pay the ransom is fucked up. And the fact that Malcolm went along with that is fucked up. It's all very fucked up!

(Do I think ransom would have been enough to free Baz? No. The ransom demands kept changing, and then stopped coming, for a reason. The Mage would never have allowed the numpties to release Baz before the Veil closed. But the fact that Baz's family didn't even try? Fucked up!)

Moving on.

Fiona. Despite being fucked up, Fiona does love Baz. We know she loves him. She chooses to let Baz live, knowing he's a vampire. She brings Baz a giant stuffed Paddington when Malcolm forgets Christmas. She accepts Baz's sexuality. She tries to support him. Essentially, by letting Baz live and being in his life, she chooses Baz over her sister, because she believes Natasha would have killed Baz. Fiona is flawed, but she still loves Baz. She spends six weeks tirelessly searching for him. This has to mean there is another reason that it takes her that long to find him.

I'm sure someone as desperate and powerful as the Mage used whatever measures he could to ensure that Baz would not be found before the Veil closed. I think we just have to assume that those measures—whatever they are—are enough to hold off Fiona for as long as they do.

I also want to talk a bit about Simon, because, while he doesn't know he's in love with Baz while Baz is missing, he is out of his mind to find him, searching at all hours of the day and night, and doing so as the most powerful magician who has ever lived. Granted, Simon is sticking to searching around Watford, and he doesn't have the best history with spell work, but he also frequently makes things happen through sheer force of will, and I think the level of his desperation in this case is likely to lend itself to that kind of magickal aberration. He's determined, he's methodical, he even tells us how to make finding spells more effective and irresistible to their object. (I'm sure these are things Fiona knows, as well.) But Simon doesn't find Baz, so I think that means he must be very (magickally) well hidden.

Back to the point of your question, does Baz spend six weeks convinced he's going to die because no one loves him enough to find him? I don't think so. I think he spends six weeks convinced he's going to die because he's locked in a coffin and being deprived of everything except blood. These are the only things he focuses on when he's looking back on that time. Also, as awful as it is to say, if Baz does think he's unloved, it's more likely caused by his self-loathing and a conviction that he isn't deserving of love. We will comfort ourselves that he knows better now.

I don't think Baz's thoughts in the coffin are rational, and I don't think he's able to reason through the implications for not being found quickly. He also doesn't even know how much time has passed (he thinks it's still September when Fiona shows up). He's too focused on not going out of his mind or dying—more optimistically, he's too focused on thoughts of blue eyes and bronze curls. I think what matters most is that Baz knows now, when he is in his right state of mind, that there are people who love him that were out there looking for him. And hopefully, Fiona and Simon will continue to show up for him when he eventually has to deal with the trauma of that time.

[whump-a-la-mode]

Um hi, I don't normally send prompts but I had an idea, so…anyway, basically the prompt is a villain's young sidekick who shows up at the villain's doorstep in the middle of the night (villain is a nice person; more unlawful than evil, idk) really injured, and when the villain patches them up, they end up accidentally revealing that they live with an abusive family? Idk, sorry if this is a weird idea.

With ideas as good as this one, you should send prompts more often ^^ It's not weird at all, I absolutely love this. I tried really hard on this one, so I really hope you enjoy!

Please note that this work contains descriptions of the aftermath of physical child abuse. If this would upset or distress you, please avoid reading this work.

CW//Child abuse, physical child abuse, verbal child abuse, being called a 'freak', death of a spouse, blood, bacteria (in a scientific setting)

Villain had never been much of a fan of children.

They wouldn't exactly describe it as a dislike. Kids were... fine. Annoying on occasion, and endlessly confusing with their new trends and habits, but fine. Those who brought them into the world and raised them provided a precious service, but their talents were far more useful elsewhere.

They squinted their eye, the eye pressed up against the lens of their microscope. With a tiny twist of a knob, the image below focused, displaying in full detail a million squirming lifeforms.

The culture was developing as expected. They removed the slide and returned the bacterial colony to its petri dish.

They'd thought about having a family, when they were young. A juvenile, clueless thought, but a thought nonetheless. There was something that warmed them about the concept of a home that was never empty.

Nowadays, they shared their home with no one but the bacteria, and they weren't exactly the best conversationalists.

Villain moved across their lab, soft socks muffling the thudding of their feet on the tile. With practiced accuracy, they returned the petri dish back to its tray, where it belonged.

They couldn't help but glancing just to the right. To the rabbit cage, sitting empty as it was. The light above it was still glowing bright, illuminating the stale hay below, and the toilet paper roll where the cage's inhabitant's teeth had once gnawed.

Now, the habitat sat empty.

They couldn't bring themself to clean it out. That was Spouse-

That was Spouse's job.

Villain bit their lip, taking another petri dish from the tray and returning to their microscope.

They growled and swatted at the thoughts that fought to enter their brain, but it was no use. No weapon could have fended them off.

Because... Because...

Because Spouse had loved kids.

They had always talked about the concept in dreamy, wistful tones. The idea of having a family, of creating something together that wasn't borne of chemicals in a lab. And Villain had agreed. But it was always simply a plan. Something that would be done sometime in the future. When the world wasn't so hectic. When there wasn't work to be done. When...

Villain bit their tongue hard enough to draw blood, gazing as intensely through the microscope's lens as they could manage.

Now that Spouse was gone, the laughter of children would never light the dreary home. There would always be a spare bedroom.

Their home would always be empty.

Maybe that was why they had taken Sidekick in.

It was something they'd wondered so often, not that they'd ever admit it to the teen they had taken under their wing. The relationship had started so uneventfully-- a powered kid with just enough spunk and reckless abandon to find their way into the world of heroes and villains.

At first, Villain hadn't even thought of them as a sidekick. They were just a kid that they trained in their free time. A future ally who needed someone to show them the ropes.

Then, they'd started coming with them on missions.

And fighting at their side.

And now, Villain couldn't help wondering, whenever they laid in their large, empty bed, what Spouse would have thought of their protege. If they were still around, then Sidekick's 16th birthday cake wouldn't have been so shitty. But, hey, no one could say that Villain hadn't tried.

Damn, did they miss that kid. Even when they called them a dinosaur and laughed when they didn't know what Tock-Tic was, or whatever they'd said. They'd been gone almost a whole week, now.

It wasn't the first time, of course. No teen had the time to be a full-time sidekick. They had their own life. They needed to go to school and hang out with their friends and be a kid. And do whatever kids did on Tock-Tik. Villain was certain that they would come back when they were able.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

By the time the knock on the door came, Villain was almost done with their inspection of the bacteria colonies. Their tired eyes flitted to the clock on the wall: Three in the morning. Had it been that long?

And who the hell was at their door at three in the morning?

The knock sounded again, yet, this time, it was distinct. Three sharp taps, then a fourth two seconds later.

Sidekick's knock. The one they'd practiced, to notify Villain when they arrived. But... They looked at the clock again. Their eyes had not deceived them. It was the dead of night. The kid should have been asleep hours ago!

Without care, they tossed down the petri dish in their hands on the nearest countertop, not so much as bothering to shrug off their lab coat as they hurried to the front door. They expected to hear the knock again-- the kid was always so impatient-- but there was no such noise. Only heavy, shallow breathing.

Other villains would have bemoaned their recklessness, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that their kid was here.

Villain flung open the window. Sidekick leapt back.

Sidekick...

They stood in the doorway a moment, liquid shock and terror battling for dominance within their bones. When they finally recovered, they spoke no words, only bustled their protege through the door and locked it behind. The kid stumbled all the way to the lab's exam table, which Villain practically threw them upon.

The terror in their bones had settled firmly in their stomach.

"What in the world happened to you?"

It was with the gaze of a parent rather than a doctor that they scanned the kid from head to toe.

The sheer volume of blood made it difficult to pinpoint their wounds. Yet, it was clear to see that the side of their head was still pumping scarlet, and the crimson dribbling down their leg was already dripping onto the pristine lab floor.

Villain gulped. The idea of taking their eyes of the kid for a split second was petrifying, but they relented, rushing off to returning a moment later with handfuls of rags. They shoved one into the kids hands.

"Hold this to the wound on your head, as tight as you can. I'll clean off your leg."

Even with trembling hands, the kid obliged as Villain knelt down , drenching rag after rag in blood until the leg was finally clear. At the very least, the wound upon their knee seemed to have stopped weeping scarlet. It was a messy thing, blunt trauma with enough force behind it to tear straight through the skin. The villain's practiced fingers tied a tight wrapping of gauze around the joint, standing to their feet.

Blood had seeped between Sidekick's fingers, but it seemed to have begun to dry. The head wound had stopped bleeding.

"Good." Villain pried the soaked rag from the kid's hands, tossing it aside. They could clean up later. "Where else?"

Sidekick averted their gaze, shoulders winding up taut.

"You need to tell me where you were hurt. Please."

After a few moments of trembling like a leaf, the kid gestured to their side.

"Okay. Can you take your shirt off for me, please? I need to get that cleaned."

"Okay..." The kid whimpered, obliging. Villain tossed aside the bloodied garment with little care, adding it to the pile of dirtied fabric.

Their torso...

The wound on their side, just above the hip, did not bleed nearly as bad as the other two. But...

With the sheer amount of bruises littering their flesh, Sidekick's skin may as well have been blue.

Villain took a clean rag, pressing it to their side.

"Who." They spat. "Who did this?"

Their mind began to run with such speed that, had it been a computer, its fans would have been on overdrive. What heroes were active around Sidekick's neighborhood? A few came to mind, at least one or two that were far enough outside the law that they wouldn't have put much thought into doing this to a kid.

But Sidekick did not speak, instead staring at their own shoes, dangling off the exam table.

When the hip wound was dried and wrapped, Villain whirled around, grabbing their phone and flicking to the contacts page. Which of their fellow villains was near the kid's home? They could think of at least a couple. Even if they were little more than acquaintances, someone who would hurt a kid was the common enemy of all.

"I need a name, kiddo. A name. Was it Viper? Sunstorm? The Twilight Reaper? I have friends, lots of friends. We can make them regret this."

No reply. Villain bit their lip, selecting a contact, moving their finger towards the call button-

"Wait!"

The kid at last cried.

"It wasn't a hero. My dad's not a-"

Villain whirled around.

"Your dad?"

Sidekick flushed.

"U- um, no, I, um-"

"Did your father do this?" They stormed to the exam room where the kid sat. "All of this?"

"I- I-" Their voice was choked by tears, carving down their scarlet-stained face.

Villain placed their hands on the kid's shoulders, turning their gaze towards them.

"Please. Please, kid."

The falling tears turned to full-on sobs.

"H- He said I was a- a freak!" They wailed. "I was training, I- You said I needed to practice my flying, in bird form. And I was practicing, and I didn't think anyone else was home, and then he walked in and-"

A sob broke their voice.

"They told me never to use my powers. He doesn't know that I- I stopped taking the pills. The ones that suppress them. And he got m- mad, and, and-"

"It's okay, it's okay."

Villain threw their arms around their child, embracing them while taking care not to disturb their wounds.

"I didn't know where else to go." Sidekick's words were strangled. "I'm sorry, but I didn't want to go back home and..."

"No, no." They tightened the embrace. "No. You don't have to go back, never. Not if you don't want to."

They broke off the hug, picking their phone up again once more.

"Talon has kids your age, she would take you in. Alya, too. Swan Dancer is a teacher..."

"Um." Sidekick seemed to have run out of tears, leaving them with only a broken, low voice. "I... That's all fine. But, um, I thought you mentioned having a spare room?"

Despite their parental terror, Villain let their face break into the smallest smile.

Spouse's room.

In a way, maybe they would get to meet Sidekick, after all.

[thunderheadfred]

🤚The Second Worst (Pt. 1/?)🤚

Part 2 of my Shigaraki Thesis Headcanons. HC's // The Second Worst: 1 - 2

The half-mad ghost of Shimura Tenko is in love with you, and your life is about to become a tragic wreck. -- AKA here's when I gave up on bullet points and went off the fuckin rails

I'm self-conscious about writing so much, so uhhhh, please be kind, hahaaa. This is rather long and involved. Are these still even HCs or just a self-indulgent AU outline? There are some mysteries we may never solve.

This is on AO3 now, if you prefer reading there. Anyway. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

You met Tenko before the League existed.

Believe it or not, there are a million ways it might have happened, but in the end: you were both bargain-binning in Akihabara.

You reached for a copy of a collectible bullet-hell cute-'em-up (near-mint! CIB!!!) and accidentally bonked hands with a complete stranger. He flinched about five million feet away from you. Ouch. You're just a nobody, quirkless and average, but you didn't think you were THAT repulsive.

(You're not. Hell, even if you were, this guy couldn't care less. He barely registers that you have a face.)

(Shigaraki is accustomed to getting in and out of this shop in seconds. He always comes in before anyone else and goes straight home. -- Is that really home? Is 'home' a real place? -- ANYWAY he's already pirated this shit, god, why does he even care? He doesn't need to be here. Father doesn't like it. Is that why he's here? Just to do something Father doesn't like? That's pathetic.)

He's had at least ten complete internal arguments with himself before he so much as looks at you.

You know in the tenth of a second he actually meets your eyes... this fucker is going to fight you to the death over this game.

- - - The death match ends in a draw. He was not expecting you to know the first fucking thing about this game. Nobody knows about it, even in Japan. Who the fuck do you even think you are? Oh, no, he's still taking it. But... maybe he can show you how to play it it. He'll give you a little taste, just to make you jealous. He's got his hoodie pulled down like he's going to commit an act of terrorism. What little you can see of his face looks twitchy and messed up. If you have any survival instincts at all, they're kicking in right about now. But... why not. You're not going anywhere with this dude unsupervised, so you suggest a crowded web cafe down the street. The cafe has the necessary console... but the retro gaming booth is laughably small. The TV is about four inches across and you end up having to practically sit in his lap. You were sure this guy was a nasty fucking creep, but he's................ only mostly terrible. Way too angry, for sure. Has no idea how to have a normal, friendly conversation. Inadvertently insults you every other sentence and seems to have a deep-seated persecution complex.

You'd prefer to be mad about the awful company, but... he's obviously deprived of human contact. When it's established that you two share a lot of media fixations, he calms down and starts treating you a little more like a human being. Or at least like a fellow elite.

Wherever he came from, he doesn't seem to want to go back. He keeps pushing you to play one more level, pretending he wants to beat your score. You feel kinda bad for him. You get the distinct feeling that his life is a disaster. He looks like he's never had a full night of sleep in his life. He trips your trigger hairs in that 'is he gonna follow me home?' kind of way, but... up close, he's a lot more depressing than scary. At the very least, you want to buy him a stupidly cute dessert. Just... as thanks. For letting you try out the game and stuff. It's not a big deal, so just pick a flavor, okay? The world isn't actually that awful, y'know.

It's not even that impressive... Definitely not a great cafe. But he takes practically a full hour to eat a single slice of strawberry cake.

When the hoodie comes down. He's all shriveled and dried out, like someone left him him in the desert to die. He chews on his peeling bottom lip and nervously scratches his neck. He doesn't thank you for the cake. Which is fine. It's not a big deal. Actually, you wish he would eat faster; you feel weirdly responsible for him now.

Under all that mess he's... gorgeous? His hair is stunning: a bright, gleaming silver that catches the light. His bone structure is flawless. If it weren't for all the scars and the misanthropic slouch, he'd look like a fairy fucking prince.

You were not prepared for that. In another life he could have been a model, the type of guy who would never even look at you. But something bad happened to him. Something... very bad. Do you even want to know? You have no idea how to ask. Has anyone ever been nice to him? It doesn't seem like it. Should YOU be nice to him? You sort of want to try. - - - This becomes a regular thing. This weird little secret. You should probably tell someone when you see him, just in case you don't come back one day, but you say nothing; how the hell would you explain why you want to see him so bad? You don't know his full name. Maybe he's on a watch list. When he gives you a long string of random numbers so you can schedule meet-ups (is THAT his e-mail, really?) he tells you to just... call him Tenko. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. (He sneaks out when Father is deep in his plots. As long as he comes home on time, it doesn't really matter where he goes, right?) He brings a different game every time. He has an insane collection. Where does he get the money for all this? You know he doesn't work. God, is it drugs? It's probably drugs. Wherever these hidden gems came from, he proudly shows them off to you, like he's never had an audience before. It's sort of cringe-inducing, the way he one-ups and rubs every little victory in your face, desperate for attention.

But at the same time, you are becoming too... something...to mind. Do you... like him? He's not funny, but he thinks you are. His mouth is huge when he laughs. He seems to hate everyone but you, and you've had to earn the distinction of being merely tolerable. Still, he gets really excited about random shit like the garage kit black market and haunted dolls and the price of weed on the dark web.

And... strawberry cake. The realization hits you both at the same time when the waitress brings one piece with two forks. God, what the fuck, are you... are you dating? Quick, think. You look forward to seeing him, and don't even mind sitting close to him anymore. Sometimes you push your leg up against him just to see if he'll still flinch away... and he doesn't.

You jealously notice the way he touches everything but you: with delicate precision, one finger at a time. His large, elegant hands always have a pinky up like he's aspiring for a fiefdom, and you wonder what his skin feels like. You go home and dwell on the way he plucks flowering weeds out of the pavement in front of the cafe. The way he stands rooted to the spot as you leave, just... looking at nothing, unsmiling.

You watch his lips too much, and not just because you want to buy him chapstick. You catch him gaping at you all the time. You thought he was just creepy like that, but maybe... Yeah. I guess you are dating him. Shit. - - - Okay, so, yeah. Bringing him back to your place was definitely a bad idea. You know you shouldn't trust him, even if he is... apparently... your boyfriend? Sort of? You still don't have his phone number. So. Um. What now? You order overpriced pizza and queue up a campy horror movie. What the fuck are you even doing. You don't really think he's going to murder you anymore, but... still. Is the suburban massacre scene gonna give him ideas? Turns out, no. He doesn't like gore, even when the blood is neon pink. He gets upset. Like, really upset. Shaky and green, like he might puke on you. He can't stop scratching that scaly spot on his neck.

Tenko, are you crying? Fucking hell, did you just trigger him? Of course he has a traumatic past, it's carved all over his face. You're so fucking stupid. You don't know how to make it right. You want to hug him, kiss him... anything. But he's never really touched you, and you're too afraid to push now. It ruins the whole night. He leaves without explaining anything. Doesn't even say goodbye. He just. Leaves. Maybe you'll never see him again. Maybe that's for the best. Your chest hurts. - - - He shows up at your door a few weeks later. You haven't heard from him since that disastrous movie night. You had pretty much accepted that you'd broken up with a boyfriend you never actually had. But no. Apparently not.

This time, he’s brought his own entertainment. He's holding a boxed set of some show you're not familiar with. You're distracted by these weird little half-gloves he's wearing, like a cyberpunk hacker. That's a new look, and even if it's a bit edgelord adjacent, he makes it look cool. You tell him as much. It's the first time you've let on how attractive you find him. He's wearing a tight black shirt with a deep, deep V-neck. That's distracting too.

He clears his slender throat and doesn't look at you.

You try to apologize for before, but he's acting like it never happened. What are you even talking about? Have you seen this OVA or not? Get out of the way and let him in already. You've watched three episodes now, but you still have no idea what this stupid anime is about. You can't pay attention to a single frame. All you can think about is how his arm has crept up behind your shoulders. A few inches more and he'll be holding you. Does he... want to hold you? You lean toward him so slowly your spine creaks. One molecule at a time. After a thousand years, your head slides nervously under his chin. His arm comes down, locking you in, fingers clutching your sleeve in a death grip. Even that snobby little pinky. His head tucks down into you hair. A sharp collarbone bites into your cheek. His heartbeat is hard, fast, and irregular. There's not a scrap of fat on him, and as you wrap your arm around his stomach, you think you see a twitch in his pants. Is that just you being desperate? Or... hopeful? This is really happening. --- Soon, you learn that Tenko is a clumsy kisser. It doesn't matter; the fact that he's kissing you at all is good enough for now. His lips are dry, but not half as dry as you expected. There's a slick of menthol helping things along; he's been using something medicated on his lips. Plus, his mouth tastes like he drank a gallon of mouthwash.

All this thrills you more than a little, because it means he came here wanting to impress you. Wanting you. Full stop. Underneath that minty sting is a strange, worrisome aftertaste, like something rotten. Your brain fires off an alarm. Stop kissing him. Right now. This thing will make you sick. But his hands nervously slide over your body... and you decide not to worry about it. Instead, you kiss him deeper. He makes a sweet, startled little noise. Your brain is a fucking liar. It occurs to you he's probably never done this before.

When you lace your fingers in his and try to pull one of his gloves off, he rips his hand away.

Don't. That’s the only explanation he gives.

No need to ask if it's a quirk thing or a trauma thing. Judging by how jittery he gets, it's probably both. You remember the way his hands almost float over objects without ever holding them. Maybe his touch is dangerous. Maybe that's why his face looks like that.

Maybe you should learn more about him before things go way too far...

No. It can't be that bad. Now that he's in your arms, everything frightening about him evaporates. He's vulnerable. He's alone. He's shaking a little. Has anyone else ever seen this side of him? You want to keep him all to yourself, just like this.

So what if he has to touch you with gloves on? You've heard of worse quirk-related inconveniences.

It's okay, Tenko. Do you want to keep going?

You put his hands back on you and wait for him to kiss you again. It doesn't take long.

---

You open his pants. He's long and thin, calloused even here. Every part of him feels untouched, unloved. You hold him tight and squeeze.

It doesn't seem to occur to him to please you in return. He looks afraid. Confused. You're sure you scared him earlier with the glove thing. Is this too much? No. He gasps and leans into you. The tiniest, broken please.

He cums in your hand right away, face buried in your shoulder, his eyes wet and hidden.

I have to go, he says. Over and over and over.

It's okay, Tenko.

You know he doesn't want to.

- - - - - (oops I wrote more)

[onewomancitadel]

Do you think Adult Jaune would look like John Smith from Disney’s Pocahontas, or Marvel’s MCU Thor(Chris Hemsworth)? Personally I’m thinking of making his appearance similar to Rune King Thor from the Comics. It fits in with the grown Paladin aesthetic since plenty of them tend to have long hair. Theres also Sir Gawain aka The Knight of The Sun, from the Fate/Stay Night series that also makes for a fitting template for Adult Jaune. What do you think? -EmperorLuffy.

Hi EmperorLuffy, hope you're having a good one.

Since you're asking for my opinion, I'll give it to you honestly: I abhor all of these, and they absolutely do not fit my mental image of Jaune at all. The long hair is the one feature I think he needs but that's it. If you don't want to read the rest of my opinion I'm just going to put this under a cut.

For that matter, I really like his appearance throughout V4-6, that's my favourite. I'm always going to prefer that edge of pretty boy, I would never go near the super buff over masculine Chris Hemsworth. That is just ugly (and not the good kind of uglyhot) to me anyway, but doesn't make sense for his character at all either.

Same goes for the rest of them.

For me personally I'm always going to go for that slightly more lean - at least to roided up standards these days, so let's just say classically muscular - and princely aesthetic (not incl. Pocahontas on this one because I don't like that film and John Smith isn't pretty either). I can't really think of any examples presently, but then again I'm not really interested in drawing design inspiration from other characters as such. I want Jaune to be Jaune, not anyone else - he's a pretty unique character in my eyes, and I think the fundamental error you're making is that you're prioritising the Paladin thing over the healer thing and also the knight thing (which is a little distinct and is the reason I'd also draw from more romantic designs). I get the sense our tastes do not match on this matter.

Though when I was watching Dark it did send me a bit crazy because the lead character is one hundred percent my live action!Jaune and it gives me so many conflicted feelings:

I'm going to dieeeeeeeeeee. I did very much not make that .gif myself but it's somewhere in the Jonas/Martha tag... also why can I not find any screencaps of Jonas without him being roughed up, poor thing.

Anyway what was the question? Right, inspiration from other designs. *shrug* It seems like we have very different opinions on how he should look (and you can go through my Jaune Arc tag, pretty sure I talked about this a few times). But I would go for a more romantic design and certainly nothing over-the-top like with a big cape and I would never see Jaune as being roided up, ever. I don't know how that became popular, and I absolutely hate it. Death of beauty.

But yeah, if there are such pronounced differences in taste between us, go for what you like. I just think you need to be careful to not lose the essence of the character. When you're saying stuff like Thor or any characters in that near vicinity, that sounds immediately off. The thing with character design is that you also want to be making them in respect to each other, and that's why I think the knight and maiden dynamic with Jaune and Cinder plays off each other so well. He should be a pretty healer-knight and she should be a Maiden-maiden. That's what I think anyway.

I'm kind of getting the feeling, as I write this, my opinion won't be liked, and this isn't what you were asking me for, so sorry in advance.

[missmentelle]

Everyone has mental health, but not everyone has a mental ilness. It sounds really logical, but I was wondering how this influences people's lifes and the way mental health campaigns have or haven't an impact? When I hear people speaking about their mental health I often feel invalidated because it looks like everyone is doing bad. But I think it's dfiferent because of my mental ilnesses? Even if my mental health is okay, things are still not okay and I don't know, this is very unclear

To be honest, I actually think we actually make too much of a distinction between "mental illness" and "mental health" - those aren't really separate concepts, and the line between "people with diagnosed mental illnesses" and "people just experiencing general bad mental health" is not really a clear line at all.

Think about physical health. Some people have distinct, specific physical illnesses - things like type I diabetes, multiple sclerosis, cancer, Lou Gehrig's disease, lupus, or asthma. These are the sorts of illnesses where you either have them or you don't. We often aren't totally sure what causes them, and we might not have any permanent way to cure them - although we do often have therapies available that let people lead normal lives even with these diseases.

At the same time, every single one of us experiences physical health. Our physical health is on a spectrum, from "nearly perfect health" to "extremely unwell", and the state of our health will likely change throughout our lifetime. It's possible to be in general poor health without having a diagnosable illness - if you spent a few months living on junk food, drinking heavily, not sleeping properly and not getting any exercise, you would quickly start to feel absolutely awful. You might not actually develop a diagnosable illness in that time, but your health would certainly start to suffer - you might start feeling out-of-shape and out-of-breath when you tried to do physical activities, you'd probably develop digestive issues, your blood pressure and cholesterol might rise, etc.

The relationship between physical illness and physical health isn't always a simple one. Being in poor physical health can eventually cause you to develop a physical illness - if you eat poorly and don't exercise for years at a time, you can eventually develop hypertension or Type 2 diabetes. At the same time, though, having a physical illness does not automatically mean you are in poor overall health - a Type 1 diabetic who manages their condition correctly, eats well, and runs 5k every day may be in better general health than a non-diabetic person who leads a very unhealthy lifestyle. These things are complicated, and we can't always draw firm lines between "healthy" and "sick".

The same thing applies to mental health and mental illness.

Some mental illnesses are a straightforward "you have this condition or you don't" situation - this would include things like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. We aren't always sure what causes these conditions - they likely have a strong genetic component, and sometimes it seems like they just happen to people.

At the same time, though, everyone has mental health. If you are living in stressful situations or not maintaining your mental health, you can start to experience poor mental health - you can start to have difficulty concentrating, low mood, social withdrawal, low motivation, irritability, etc. You don't necessarily have to meet the criteria for a mental illness to be in poor mental health, in the same way that you don't have to have a physical illness to be in poor physical health.

And again, the relationship between mental illness and general mental health is complicated. A person who has poor mental health for a long time might eventually be diagnosed with clinical depression or anxiety. And at the same time, having a diagnosed mental illness doesn't guarantee poor general mental health. A person with bipolar disorder who is taking their medication and managing their condition properly may be in better general mental health on a day-to-day basis than a person without a mental illness who is dealing with something stressful and not able to find healthy coping mechanisms. These things are complicated, and we can't always draw a line between "THESE people are affected by mental illness" and "THESE people aren't" - that's sort of not how mental health works.

I guess I just... don't understand how someone else's mental health struggles would invalidate yours? Multiple people can struggle at the same time, with the same thing - we don't have a quota for how many people are allowed to experience mental health problems at the same time. I think if we're going to really break down the stigma around mental health struggles, we need people to understand that mental health affects everyone, and not just the people who have been formally diagnosed with a mental illness.

There are a lot of reasons why someone might not have a formal diagnosis of a mental illness - they might not be able to afford professional mental health care. They might not feel comfortable accessing care. Their symptoms might not quite reach the threshold for a diagnosis, but still be seriously impacting their life. They might have a diagnosis but choose not to share that information. Gatekeeping who is "mentally ill enough" to count or to speak about their issues doesn't really help us make the kinds of positive change we need to make on mental health - it shuts out people who don't have the education or resources to put a formal label on their problems, and it lets other people pretend that they don't need to care about mental health because they don't have a formal metal illness and it will never happen to them. The reality is that mental health and mental illness will impact everyone in different ways, and we all benefit from hearing as many perspectives and experiences of it as possible. Everyone’s mental health experiences are valid. 

The idea of spreading more awareness about mental health and opening up discussion is not to make people compete to see who deserves to be labelled mentally ill. The idea is to normalize the fact that mental health struggles are a part of the human experience, and to make people realize that they aren't alone in dealing with this. When a lot of people go through a stressful or traumatic event - like a war, or a natural disaster, or a global pandemic that impacts every human life on earth - it's natural for there to be more people experiencing mental health struggles, and that's okay. Instead of worrying about who is "truly" mentally ill and who isn't, we should focus on learning more about mental health, pushing back against stereotypes, and making sure that supports are in place for anyone who might feel like they need them. MM

[floatingbook]

I've no idea if this is the right place to ask this, probably not but I'm a bit desperate since I've got no one to talk to irl about this. I feel massive, my bmi is considered healthy, people would describe me as average in every aspect, at least from the side. From the front I feel I look like a personified bulldog, an ox, stupid dumb eyes, weirdly shaped mouth, and my face is still kind of my main selling point. I've got big shoulders, broad hips and upper tights, mostly muscle, I done very little to get them. When I went to the gym I built up a bit more muscle and quit immediately it just highlighted everything even more, that stuff luckily went away after a while but only as far as what I gained through the exercises, the rest stayed. I probably would be completely ok with myself if I had grown a bit taller, the proportions would fit a lot better then.

Next to other women (and enough men) I feel like a cartoon character that was placed into the wrong series, a completely other "drawing style" for lack of better words. I hate myself so much, I don't leave the house other than for work and chores anymore, I always feel like a clown. I apologize for the word vomit, but I'm desperate, do you have any suggestions? Anything I could read, listen to?

You seem to have a very skewered perception of your body. From what you have written, you’re healthy and strong, so you have little to worry about health wise? You don’t describe having trouble to carry out any action physically, so you are in good physical condition? And apparently, you get strong fast when you put yourself into it? All of this sound great to me. We often aren’t good judges of wether we’ve put a lot of work into getting things done, so I’m taking your affirmation that you did very little to earn your muscles with a grain of salt. It’s more likely that you have fallen into a habit of discounting your own work. That, and the fact that not all women have the same metabolism. We don’t all built muscle the same way, and in that case you’d certainly be better served by working into looking at it gratefully, instead of putting yourself down for something you’re naturally better at than other women. Life is not a competition, we have different characteristics and advantages from the beginning, and denying it or pretending it has any moral weight does not help you move forward.

You’re not a clown, you very likely look nothing like a bulldog nor an ox. You’re maybe a little on the short side, but a strong woman. You would feel better about yourself if you focused on what you have: a functioning, healthy, strong body, one which allows you to carry out the tasks you want to do. What others think about your face is irrelevant, because 1. you can’t do anything about it (you can’t control their minds) 2. you can’t do anything about it (are you going to get plastic surgery? to switch bodies?) 3. do you really want to hold yourself to the irrealistic standards of social media? there’s nothing genuine about full make-up photoshopped faces and bodies, so your scale of judgement is never going to be satisfied 4. why do you let others have all the power over your feelings about yourself?

Do you judge other women you see in the street like this? Do you think to yourself “oh she’s an elephant”, “oh she has a dog’s face”, “oh her proportions are crazy”? I bet not. You’re walking and worrying about how they judge you. Except they aren’t, just like you they are wondering “does she think i’m too short and too wide?”, “does she think my haircut makes me look old?”, … There are way less people judging you than you think, and for those who do, do you think they obsess over you specifically all day? At worst, they see you, you register in their brain, they make a comment to themselves, and then they move on. You don’t live rent-free in people’s heads. We all have better things to do and bigger fish to fry than ponder the BMI of strangers on the street and then obsess over it for days.

A small exercise to put things into perspective, would you talk about one of your friend like this? Would you disparage her like this? Then why is it acceptable to do it to you? You should treat yourself like you would a friend. You need to be your own friend.

Being short is not a moral failing, it’s just a fact. Being strong, having big shoulders, broad hips, strong thighs and muscle is not a bad thing. It only makes you a normal woman. And we all have to accept that we are just ourselves, nothing more, and that we’ll never be anybody else. There’s no point in wishing you were more like “other women” because it won’t happen, you’re just setting yourself up for lifelong misery. I guarantee you that you are not a cartoon character next to other women. Women have an extensive range of body shapes, we’re not all just carbon-copies of each other with you as the single outlier.

Maybe you’re not looking at yourself enough, or looking at yourself too much with others’ eyes. By the latter I mean that you’re always looking at yourself in mirrors or in pictures, in the reflections in glass windows when you go out. You’re not looking directly at yourself. You’re looking at a distorted, at a filtered image of yourself. You’re looking at something distinct from yourself, something alien. Cover mirrors, stop taking selfies, try to forget that constructed image for a while. Look at yourself with your own two eyes and nothing else if you really have to look. Don’t focus so much on having an appearance while you exist and instead focus on existing. Pretend you’re invisible. Wear your sloppiest clothes on a grocery errand and realise that no one cares. You’re not going to be arrested over it, the cashier is not going to refuse your money for it. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to matter.

You have nothing you need to hate yourself for. You are just a woman, alive. That’s what you should focus on. You’re fine, you’re normal, you’re average, you’re just alive. Push yourself a little, get out there, nothing will happen to you and it will become easier.

If anyone has any reading or listening to suggest, feel free to link it in the notes. But I think that what you need most, here, is to cultivate an attitude of not caring about it. Try to relax about existing. There’s mental reframing to do, certainly, but most important is repeated practise. Go out there and exist.